I’ve been watching a spate of romcoms lately. Why? Boredom. Getting silly in my old age. Finally hitting puberty. All of the above. I romanticize things, never people. I have never been in love. I have never been able to look at a man and feel any strong positive emotion toward him. The negative ones run aplenty though. At best I feel a lessening of the indifference and low to mild attraction. I don’t quite know what love even means. I am desperately fond of the mother. She is the only irreplaceable thing in my life. The father follows a close second. Aside from them everyone else’s presence is not vital for survival. Which is why I do not understand people giving up lucrative jobs, making sweeping lifestyle changes and even committing suicide because a relationship never worked out. So a boyfriend ditched you. Big whoop. There are 7.6 billion people in the world. At least 1 million of those will be obscenely attractive men (statistics not wishful thinking). Gigantic sea. Innumerable fish. Someone better will come along. So to get depressed and seek medical intervention to get over a boyfriend/fiancée is just giving one man the importance that he in all probability is unworthy of. I know all too well the tendency to get consumed by a relationship. Even the crappiest of them. Most of us have this inherent desire to make it work at all costs. Even if the cost is one’s own happiness. Not all of us even recognize abuse in relationships. Because in our minds abuse is always physical. We do not count the erosion of self-confidence, the belittling of pride, the dismissal of intelligence and the condescension that makes all reactions even those that are warranted and legitimate get called overreactions, as abuse. Some of us blame ourselves for the partner acting up- I triggered the outburst, I caused him to insult, my behavior brings out the worst in him. Because we think that maybe if we let go of our egos and pride the one time, we’ll get our happily ever after. The one time turns into many and soon we are left with no ego and no pride. Thankfully some of us have mothers and friends who are all too willing to slap the subservience out of you, tell you you’re worth so much more and keep you the heck away from such fringe elements. I think every relationship is a power struggle. A lot of men say they love intelligent women with minds of their own. In theory. In reality- challenge accepted. Who doesn’t want to be the man who tames the shrew? Could there be any greater testament to a man’s manliness than making a fierce, strong minded woman toe the line.
Theoretically I would love me a Stuart Weitzman, historically I choose me some Paragon. I will be out eyeing a pair of fabulous Jimmy Choo’s but I settle for the Bata. Why? Because Jimmy Choo is high maintenance. What if I can’t handle those shoes? What if my feet aren’t worthy of them? What if they don’t last? So what do I do? Buy Bata. Justification- what Bata lacks in looks it makes up for in reliability and it is cheap. The only thing I get out of that is the cheap. I have regretted each time that I’ve bought a pair of Bata’s (literally and figuratively). For the more financially inclined, it is like making up my mind to invest in JP Morgan, yet choosing Shekhawati Poly Yarn instead. Both embarrassing to own and massively stupid to invest in. In my head I love the idea of meeting someone non repulsive, having this cerebral connection with him, and then living in non-annoying harmony forever after. Someone who will finally make me take a second to get over him given my ability to switch off all feelings with the blink of an eyelid. Actually scratch that, finally someone that I won’t want to get over. Someone who knows that body odour is not a measure of testosterone; that food can be ingested silently, being disagreed with is not emasculating and that alcoholism is not a desirable personality trait. And someone so marvelous that one can overlook Facebook posts from 2009 had him talking like ‘V hv got to meet up bruhh. Lolzz’. Admittedly, it hurt even to type that.
Are all men pigs? Thankfully not. There are some glorious ones out there that are worth holding out for, someone who deserves the best of you and will celebrate the entire force of all that is you. Do not let some nincompoop take that away from him by leaving you a weaker, diluted version of yourself.